Still Another Dialogue

Doug: Do you have special plans for the weekend?

Mark: once again, I have to tend to dad's needs

Mark: he's also being forced to have a big party for his birthday which he doesn't want to do but seems to be more concerned about the fallout than anything else

Doug: You mean, a bigger party than other years?

Mark: yes

Mark: because he's 80

Doug: Like, with all these Doctors Company people wandering around, and Dana Wringhammer from the Napa Auxiliary and all the criadas in uniformos?

Mark: probab

Doug: Oh Christ.

Mark: YOU'LL BE THERE

Mark: AND YOU'LL MAKE PLEASANTRIES WITH CHRISTIANS

Doug: Tell Cynthia. She will be enraged. It will be entertaining. I am really only interested in the entertainment value of rage.

Mark: I can't be bothered. let her find out for herself

Doug: Are you (A) Sour (B) Bitter (C) Crusty or (D) Beyond rage?

Mark: there is something primally awful about having the metal of one's zipper make contact with the penis.

Mark: somewhat analagous to having something at or on one's neck.

Mark: a primitive, instinctual urge to protect vital parts.

Doug: Have you tried, oh.....UNDERWEAR?

Mark: I do wear underwear but it still happens.

Mark: and it's not pleasant.

Doug: You need a cardboard layer, too.

Doug: All professionals have one.

Mark: cardboard underwear is comfortable

Mark: what if everything were made of cardboard?

Doug: The thin Russian cardboard.

Doug: The even thinner Khazakh cardboard.

Doug: The papery Bangladeshi cardboard.

Doug: Yeah! Developing countries. You gotta love 'em.

Doug: Hey -- clasps! Anyone got one of those things? Yeah -- I LIVE IN TRENTON!!!

Mark: I am going to open a Mopar Performance outlet in Accra.

Mark: I wonder if there are any Chargers in Ghana? what do you think

Doug: Dodge Chargers?

Mark: no, kia chargers

Mark: of course dodge!

Doug: 1969 Charger R/Ts?

Mark: ANY chargers

Doug: In Go Mango orange?

Mark: ANY color Mark: ANY year

Doug: With the Hemi -- or the 440?

Doug: If more people in developing countries had muscle cars, we would have none of these troublesome terrorism issues.

Doug: I am already concerned about this party and it's a month away.

Mark: SON YOU AND LYNNE ARE COMING AND I WANT YOU TO TALK TO THE PEOPLE FROM MODESTO AND TO THE CHRISTIANS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE

Doug: Dad explodes.

Doug: He's locked into an ongoing explosion that lasts a month.

Mark: have I informed you that I just won something fairly provocative on eBay, and it's $240.

Doug: Is it a naked lady made of pewter?

Mark: nope

Doug: Is it an alabaster kitten?

Mark: nope

Doug: Did you with the Apparition of the Virgin toast?

Mark: that went for $12,000 or something

Doug: Link, yes. But I have been drinking Tazo Chai all morning. It's the only tea here. It's the only thing these blasted Hindoos drink. So I have to urinate forcefully.

Mark: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4053170127

Doug: I'll be interested to hear that.

Doug: The Government will be interested to know you have it.

Doug: "SON, ARE YOU ON THE NO-FLY LIST AGAIN????"

Mark: I can justify the purchase because I have an additional $800 coming in in the next couple days and then $1600 around the 2nd

Doug: Don't forget that $356,394,012,937,352.98 you owe me.

Mark: oh, the US national debt? don't worry about it.

Mark: did I tell you about the new law prohibiting people from pronouncing "kitten" as "kidden" and "mitten" as "midden" ?

Mark: and the law prohibiting people from asking "where's it at?"

Mark: I can't stand that

Mark: I am a linguistinazi

Doug: These could be planks in the Gorney Party platform.

Doug: Which is mainly about prohibiting things.

Mark: Yes!

Doug: But the things that haven't been prohibited before.

Mark: Why do I like prohibiting things?

Mark: Am I a prohibitionsist?

Mark: There is a certain amount of glee in prohibiting things.

Doug: Yeah, kidden, but then there are also restrictions on pronouncing things too clearly. People who pronounce mid-sentence "T"s really definitely and super-clearly.

Doug: It infuriates me.

Doug: A lot of Canadians do that.

Doug: The Gorney administration. Lasts 74 minutes.

Mark: God people would hate us.

Mark: As much as the Bush admin.

Doug: We'd have to put land mines and punji sticks around the White House.

Mark: The degree to which people would hate is practically immeasurable.

Doug: Well, puzzled, first. Then hate.

Doug: The cheese sandwich sold for $28,000.

Mark: to some IDIOT

Mark: the person who bought it should be beaten over and over again.

Doug: No, no, to a casino.

Mark: oh.

Mark: well the casino should be forced into bankruptcy.

Mark: and its owners should be beaten over and over again.

Doug: In Florida. Who will make easily that much in a few days off idiots who will pay them to see it.

Mark: anyone who goes to see it should be beaten.